Why Lightning Returns Will Be Game of the Year: Guest Post by Motomu Toriyama

This game was so realistic to me that I spent months after its development looking for Lightning. Unfortunately, I could not find her. But I do know that she is out there, searching for her purpose in life. So am I, Lightning. So am I.over50manhoursspentonboobsLightning Returns is more than a video game, it is a religious experience. I am actually the founder of the first Church of Lightning. I do not have any followers yet, but I am sure that one day I will find a young disciple who will take on the lessons Lightning left behind for us.

Many have complained that the dialogue in Lightning Returns is very stilted and repetitive. Unfortunately, that is how real people actually speak. I have had many conversations with Lightning and we always seem to reaffirm what we say to each other. And then I wake up right before she tells me her big secret. I want to know that secret.

This is why the story is completely unique. I am the only person in the world who could come up with such a fantastic story. Staff members always questioned why this or that happened and I told them that Lightning willed it. I was checked into the hospital for a few days while writing Lightning Returns because of how stressful it was. I actually do not remember writing the story outside of my hospital bed now that I think about it.

But I did not want to just tell Lightning’s story. Everyone must know about her beauty and radiance. She looks good no matter what she wears. That is why she must dress up in so many different costumes. I even have a room dedicated to all of her costumes inside of my house. Well, to be more accurate, all of the rooms have at least one Lightning figure dressed up.

All in all, Lightning Returns changed my life. I am sure it will change yours too if you give it a chance.

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10 Responses

  1. TheHolyTurnip says:

    Destiny is Destiny.

  2. Covarr says:

    Is Lightning “fully modeled” underneath her costume?

  3. AAA says:

    Lightning is love. Lightning is life.

  4. Sure man says:

    Lightning’s ass is so flat, you can’t see it from the side. In fact, it’s so flat that even Jim Sterling can penetrate it with his micropenis.

  5. PhoenixRush says:

    Don’t worry, I’m sure Lightning’s ass will become firm and round with DLC or maybe they’ll save it for Lightning’s Rear Returns.

  6. Prinny says:

    I wanna fuck lightning

  7. p4ranger says:

    Lightning was created to look like an androgynous male character with just enough lady features to confuse fans.

  8. Not Toriyama says:

    What a wonderfully written article.
    It makes me think of Lightning.