Satoru Iwata Says He Was Drunk During Nintendo’s Investor Meeting

Claiming that he has no recollection of the past eight hours, Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata admitted to Japanese press that he was drinking before the meeting and was intoxicated while making new announcements.butwewantedangrybirdsmarioWhile some investors are calling for Iwata to be arrested by the police, no charges can actually be filed against him as no laws were broken. Regardless, investors at the meeting should have realized that something was amiss after Iwata claimed that Nintendo will leapfrog the competition with non-wearable technology.

“With hindsight, this makes much more sense,” said stockholder Kenji Nakayama in response to the news, “Iwata hardly talked about video games at all. That is one of Nintendo’s biggest strengths. So I should have found it odd that he kept talking about going into the health business, but I liked what I heard. I am just kind of disappointed that Nintendo is probably going to keep making video games.”

Within an hour after the investor meeting was over, Iwata allegedly sobered up and was confronted by Nintendo board members who said that he should have saved the drinking for after the meeting. However, many did expect this outcome as it is the only way he can shoulder the burden of the Wii U.

“I kept going through my notes looking for these non-wearables,” commented one Nintendo employee who wishes to remain anonymous, “I should have realized that it was the ramblings of a drunk man. He once drunkenly proposed to make a new F-Zero game and we actually got pretty far before it was cancelled. I am just surprised that our stock price did not crash. I guess anything is better than the Wii U at this point.”

More confusing events that occurred during the meeting was Iwata announcing digital DS downloads on the Wii U rather than the 3DS, saying that they should focus more on children as if they had not been doing that before and bowing for at least twenty minutes during the presentation.

Iwata said to Japanese press before leaving for an unknown destination that the meeting probably would have been worse if he was sober.

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5 Responses

  1. Covarr says:

    If he was really drunk, he would’ve announced all NES/SNES/N64 first party games would actually get Wii U VC releases within the year.

  2. Chase S says:

    We need a link to this investor meeting! I wanna hear about all these “non-wearables” firsthand!

  3. Saturn phan says:

    Iwata was charged with IUI