Microsoft Trying to Stop People In Line For the Xbox One From Buying Super Mario 3D World Instead

It has been major chaos at Microsoft headquarters after learning that many people waiting in line for the Xbox One have decided to purchase a copy of Super Mario 3D World instead as both are releasing on the same day in the United States.xboxonereallyjustaccessoryforwiiuWe have been up all night in line with many people waiting patiently for the Xbox One to officially release in the United States. As it struck midnight on the East Coast, many people chose instead to purchase Super Mario 3D World which was cause for alarm at Microsoft.

“I wanted to buy an Xbox One but people around me kept talking about this new Super Mario game,” said Xbox fan Kenan who has been waiting at GameStop for over four hours, “I love that italian plumber. I mean, I don’t own a Wii U, but the new Mario game just sounds like so much fun. I might just get a Wii U and a copy of that game instead. It’s not like I wanted a Kinect anyway. Great, now that makes me wonder why I even wanted an Xbox One in the first place.”

“I wanted to get Ryse but everyone around me kept saying that game is no good,” said Kevin White, “Then I asked around about Crimson Dragon and people told me that was no good either. Dead Rising 3 seems okay but this new Mario game has everyone talking. Talking good things, too. I’ve been waiting hours for an Xbox One, but for what? I’ll just go home and end up watching television which I could be doing now. I’d rather go home with something that I’ll play and actually enjoy.”

In response to this change of heart that many gamers seem to be experiencing, emergency Microsoft employees have been dispatched all along the West Coast to keep the hype going for the Xbox One.

“My job is to get people excited for the Xbox One,” said one employee on the condition of anonymity, “To be honest though, I can’t wait to get home. I’m using the extra money I earned to get a copy of Super Mario 3D World. My family is going to be playing that game all Thanksgiving, I know it.”

“It’s hard to buy into the hype when you just don’t feel it,” explained another employee, “Staying up late trying to get unenthusiastic people who have been waiting in line for hours for something they might not enjoy is a nightmare. Seriously, every discussion I have with people ends up with them talking about the new Mario or Zelda. Hopefully I won’t get fired for this.”

Many gamers previously commented that releasing two high-profile games on the same day as a console launch was a poor idea. Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime has commented that this is all going according to plan.

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22 Responses

  1. Covarr says:

    It’s hard to have a good launch when your launch games are all either tech demos or rushed, and your best game came out on PS4 last week.

  2. Anonymous says:

    XBox One < Super Mario 3D World < Mario SpagettiOs.

  3. Satoru Iwata says:

    Nintendo wins their first battle.
    Shove that up your micro-cock, Balmer.

  4. Chad Daddy Sarkeesian says:

    Good, the soil in New Mexico needs fertilizing.

  5. HAHAHA! This is absolutely hilarious! :)

  6. SlapStick says:

    “This is all going according to plan.”


  7. Woodrow says:

    So, this is a parody website, then?

    You guys might wanna work on your writing skills.

  8. im waiting my one too , mario is a great alternative, but i prefer the new zelda ^^

  9. Andres says:

    Same happened to me a few months ago, I was watching the live XONE presentation and I couldn’t wait for the console to be available, 2 weeks ago I bought a Wii U and I’m not considering XONE anymore.

  10. Victor Perez says:

    If Super Mario 3D World would have been ported to the Xbox One and/or PlayStation 4, then the “Worldwide investigators, inc. Unit” would fall victim to having an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror for good.

  11. Lupa says:

    YOU GO MARIO!!!!!!!!

  12. xbox 1 go a way wii u for the win o hell ya

  13. Hamza62240 says:

    Gah, damn Microshit :p

  14. the great oni says:

    naturally nobody gives a crud about nintendo. something i’m going to change!