Men’s Rights Activists Turn Samus into a Man after Dad Replaces Mario with Pauline for Daughter

A father recently made a hack of the Donkey Kong arcade game for his daughter after she wondered why she could not play as a girl. Men’s rights activists have responded by hacking Metroid and turning Samus into a man.


“This is a slap in the face to all men out there,” says Mike Walls, leader of a men’s rights gaming group called the Mr. Pac-Men, “This father is doing a complete disservice for his daughter and is essentially brainwashing her into becoming a feminist.”

“In fact, I would not be surprised if he was a feminist himself considering he did not give any real thought into what this hack would do for men across the globe. He is setting men’s rights back a bunch of years with his actions,” Walls continues, “Why can’t his daughter just respect that Mario is only doing his job?”

Hacking expert for the Mr. Pac-Men, James Phelps, introduced the ‘Mentroid’ project after seeing the Donkey Kong hack. “If feminists are going to take away Mario, then we’re going to take away Samus,” Phelps explains, “This should be perfectly acceptable for us to do since it’s the same damn thing.”

Phelps continues to explain his worldview saying, “I idolize Mr. Miyamoto. He is pretty much the father of men’s rights in video games. He basically gave us the biggest gift of all, equality in the gaming world. Without him, we would probably never get games like Tomb Raider or Duke Nukem. He should really be thanked by all the girls out there for bringing a fresh perspective to gaming.”

“The Mr. Pac-Men gaming group will be censored no longer,” says Walls, “Just like slaves in the 1800s, we too will soon gain our freedom.”

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49 Responses

  1. Munch says:

    Oh god, I started reading this, thinking I was on Siliconera, and I was laughing so hard that this happened, then I realized I was on P4R, and I laughed even harder about my mixup, the confusion, and awe it cuased,

  2. Zup says:

    Mentroid? Were the Metroid sprites changed too, or just Sam(us)?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Samus wasn’t a man???

  4. Jim Profit says:

    Samus isn’t a robot????

  5. SHINOBI_3 says:

    this gave me an idea to hack samus into a guy. hes gonna have short hair, a bandanna, and a cigar hangin out of his mouth. he also hates his wife.

    (No, Ma’am member since the 90’s)

  6. Chentzilla says:

    Shouldn’t the illustration depict the final picture of the game, where Samus’s gender is revealed? It makes no sense for Samus to not wear a space suit in, well, space.

    (Of course, it makes no sense for her to wear a leotard at the end, too…)

  7. damn says:

    Good to see that oneupsmanship still runs strong in the hole-dwelling shitnerd community.

  8. gurlthatisabootyhole says:

    this has to be satire

  9. deep says:

    Mentroid? That shit is deep man. I can’t wait for this hack to be released. I couldn’t ever touch Metroid because Samus was a woman. I mean who wants to play as a shitty woman? Unless she has sex with something her gender is totally pointless! They may as well have made her a man anyway. It’s like, “gosh, go clean the kitchen and leave the fighting to real men already.”

  10. Zaffa says:

    “A father’s going the extra mile to make his daughter happy? UNACCEPTABLE THIS DEMANDS RETALIATION”
    I will never understand MRAs.

    • Herald says:

      Yes, how dare men react to a hostile society that despises them.

      • Anonymous says:

        It wasn’t really what happened though was it? A daughter wanted to play a female. Which isn’t bad! Its not unusual for someone to want to play their own gender.

        If you are a fan of anything you would know that, gender bends do exist ad nauseum for everything. Even before this there were gender bends of Samus. Hell there were already pictures of Donkey Kong in a dress before this.

        So why is it such a big deal that a girl wants a gender-bend game for a palatable reason unlike the usual reason which is to make fan porn.

        Its down right silly they think this is such a big deal. Gender-bending is nothing new and it’s been done to both female and male characters.

  11. Smellen says:

    This is written like an onion article. I had to look it up to be sure it wasn’t the onion or freewood press.

  12. Hurry Crap says:

    It’s not QUITE the same thing. The DK hack simply had you playing as a non-playable character. The Metroid equivalent would be playing as a Chozo statue or something.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I like how they called Miyamoto a men’s rights activist as well as comparing themselves to slaves.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Well, you’ll never understand this, ’cause it ain’t MRAs doing this. It’s satire (look up Mr. Pac-Men, for instance. Not a thing that exists.)

  15. anon says:

    To all the wonderful Social Justice people from tumblr and the like coming here and commenting out of anger: Please visit the main website of this article, and realize how silly you are being when you see this is satire and not real.

    Hope this helps make your day a little better as people aren’t THAT terrible. :)

  16. Concerned Citizen says:

    Telling people it’s satire kills every semblance of “fun” about this website.

    You are all truly terrible people. I monitor this comments section for idiots, and you’re leaving me with less and less to point and laugh at with your “HURR SATIRE” coddling.

  17. anon says:

    @concerned Citizen

    I apologize, but I’d rather coddle upset people than have you laugh when people lose faith in their fellow human beings. I hope in time you can forgive me. :)

    • Loyal P4R Fanboy says:

      I’m amused that you actually thought your coddling would work. But that’s what happens when you don’t understand the true power of hard-hitting journalism.

  18. Jenny says:

    While I disagree with some of what MRA’s say, going the extra mile to make your daughter happy using the intellectual property of another sends the message that her personal feelings and needs need to be catered to in every game, even one that’s old as shit.

  19. Jim Profit says:

    But your thoughts and feelings don’t need to be catered to in every game.

  20. Bluepotions says:

    That’s what she’s saying, you dickety fucking bitch ass fuck.

  21. teckzilla187 says:

    dick waving contest??? Men’s right changed ‘cos of 1 dad switching Mario with Pauline?? seriously?? Are there people taking this Game hack thing more seriously than they should??. hello!!! is anybody here???

  22. Concerned Citizen says:

    Pay dirt.

  23. Keiya says:

    I’m kind of disappointed this was fake. ‘Cause then someone could respond by doing, say, Kid Icarus. Then the MRA guys would respond by doing some other game with a female protaganist. And eventually we’d have genderswapped versions of the entire NES library and it would be awesome.

  24. Person says:

    Hahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha… a hostile society that… hahahahahahahhaahhaa.

  25. Anonymous says:

    A society that hates them? Please tell me where this is? That’s just their Patriarchy backfiring on them.

  26. based says:

    hahaha what a story mark

  27. Bhaalspawn says:

    You’re an idiot, Herald

  28. Furrama says:

    Haven’t people been modding games since way back when for whatever reason they wanted? There is a naked mod for almost every game ever.

    I mean, at most this is akin to fanfiction or fanart or something.

  29. Aliquam says:

    “Why can’t his daughter just respect that Mario is only doing his job?” – Oh, just shut up, will ya?

  30. Caleb says:

    So a man just wants his daughter to play as a girl. That makes no one a feminist!! And that guy talked about the girl like she was a PROBLEM. This dad just gives his daughter an option to play as a girl like she wants. Oh, and go hack a Metroid game that’ll show US!

    • Chetyre says:

      I cant tell if you’re playing along or if this is one of those occasions where someone doesn’t get the joke and shamelessly reveals themselves as a the kind of militant, easily offended fool the article was ridiculing in the first place?

      But then again, im just as bad for anonymously lambasting a stranger on the internet for offending my tastes.

      Isn’t life funny?

      Thanks for the laugh!

  31. zornny says:

    Who will hack super mario brothers, into two transgender women of color who have aspergers syndrome?

    • Anonymous says:

      It already exists. It’s called Giana Sisters.

      • Loyal P4R Fanboy says:

        But neither WoC, nor transsexual, nor having Asperger’s! Only women, and they’re WHITE! That’s 1/4, so you’re outta luck!! Sorry dudebro better luck next time!!!