Guide: How to Replace All Your Food Intake to Just Mountain Dew and Doritos to Win an Xbox One

A new contest requires gamers to rack up points from Mountain Dew bottles and Doritos bags to spend them on auctions for Xbox One consoles. We’re going to teach you how to maximize your chances of winning.thisishowwedewitYou should start following this guide a few days before the September 30th start date of the contest. If you’re extremely hardcore, you can practice following the Mountain Dew and Doritos routine now so you’ll be ready when you have to do it for three months straight.

First, you need to remove anything resembling food at where you live. You can’t be stuffing yourself on water and fruit when you could be drinking Mountain Dew and eating a delicious bag of Doritos. That’s all the sustenance you need for the next three months.

You might get tired of that after a few days, so you have to remove all the temptations around you like bags of peanuts or cans of soup. Even things that aren’t edible like flowers need to be removed in case you get that desperate. You can’t have a stomach full of flowers when you could be having a stomach full of Nacho Cheese dust.

If you don’t come home from the store with bags of Mountain Dew and Doritos, you messed up. Don’t forget to have equal proportions of Mountain Dew and Doritos as you get bonus points for entering the codes for both of them at the same time!

Second, enter the codes into the website. If you haven’t already registered for the contest, you might not be hardcore enough to actually follow this guide. You may want to look into hiring a worker to enter the codes in for you as you should be going through hundreds of them per day. You can’t be throwing away precious time that could be spent eating delicious Doritos and drinking delicious Mountain Dew.

Third, follow trends and do analytical research to determine the optimal time to spend your hard-earned points. You don’t want to put all your eggs into one basket. Every extra point you spend over the second highest bidder are points you might as well have not earned. You don’t want all that Mountain Dew chugging and Doritos eating to go to waste, do you?

If you follow this guide to the letter, you could possibly win two Xbox Ones.

Why can’t I just buy the chips and not eat them?
Every penny that goes towards buying water is a wasted penny. You can’t be buying yourself real food on the side when the money could be going to more Doritos and Mountain Dew. This is why you have to eat the chips and drink the Dew, otherwise you will die and then you’ll never be able to play the Xbox One.

Feel free to ask more questions below and I might answer them.

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13 Responses

  1. Covarr says:

    What if I buy the chips and don’t eat them but don’t eat anything else either? All those doritos are simply too much for me (and so is the Mountain Dew, unless diet is allowed). Not just too much Doritos, but flat out too much food.

  2. Anthony says:

    I was thinking about Dewing this. Now that I have a guide, the Xbone 180 will be mine.

    • pahkina says:

      Beware because if you do not carefully follow this guide(f*ck Inedia) you will become skeleton…

      Who needs game 4-packs when you can pack that punch in a mega size bag o’ dorritos?

  3. Worm says:

    So you mean I need to stop eating only Doritos and Coke and switch to Mountain Dew? Fucking gross.

  4. Kilroy says:

    I’m the CEO of a huge company and get paid $900/h. You losers can eat all your trash, I have a life so my mom will buy one for me.

  5. XxX_360_noscope_h3adshot_1337_XxX says:

    Yo man i was jus wonderin why dunt i jus buy a xbawx insted of spending 2000 buks on doridos n mountin dew
    its like 400 buks rite

  6. Transfat Pansexual Christian-to-Atheist Ponylover says:

    I’ve been living off nothing but Dew and Doritos for the past year. It’s healthy, it’s delicious, and I’ve even made some friends – the guys at the grocery store smile every time I walk in, and they scream, “HEY! It’s the Dorito guy!,” followed by laughter. Here are some helpful recipes I have created

    Dorito Soup
    -One 2-liter bottle of Dew
    -One bag of Doritos
    Pour Dew into pot. Bring to boil. Crush Doritos and sprinkle in.

    Dorito Dip
    -One liter of Dew
    -One bag of Doritos
    Pour ingredients into blender. Blender until smooth. Goes great with Doritos!

    Dew Fried Doritos (credit to Geoff Keighley)
    Use non-stick pan, or pour a little Dew in to prevent sticking. Wait until it gets hot – flick some Dew into it. If it sizzles, it’s ready. Dip each Dorito into some Dew. Fry 5 minutes on each side. Wash it down with a nice cold Mountain Dew.

  7. Jistuce says:

    “. This is why you have to eat the chips and drink the Dew, otherwise you will die and then you’ll never be able to play the Xbox One.”

    There ARE fates worse than death.

  8. Western says:

    I was considering buying vitamin supplements as well but then realised I’d be wasting precious Dew and Dorito money.

  9. Pro Life says:

    I tried this and now I am a proud owner of an Xbox 360! It only cost me a few bucks and both my legs, thanks Microsfootttttt

  10. MLG says:

    Microsoft trying to kill kids.

  11. BRODEWD420X69 says:

    Hell yeah brah, going to to score an xbox one with this awesome promotion. I always eat Doritos and do the dew to this is easy for awesome dudes such as myself. I love that xbox people know what I want and will do what it takes to get me a great console like the xbox one.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Should I use my children as a cheap alternative to paying friends and relatives to super charge my Dorito and Mountain Dew intake?