Atlus Recalls All Persona Games After 26 Children Die Attempting to Summon Their Persona

In Persona 3, characters summon their Persona by shooting themselves in the head with a gun-like device called an Evoker. In Austin, Texas, 26 children died after attempting to summon their Personas with guns.

At Highland Park Elementary, the entire 5th grade class had all received a PlayStation Portable when the educational department of Austin sponsored a contest to see what school could receive the highest test scores. All the portable devices came with a copy of Persona 3.

Yesterday, police responded to a report of a mass suicide outside of the school. The entire 5th grade class, except for one student, had all appeared to have killed themselves with guns. It was discovered that they were all inspired by the events in Persona 3 and wanted to summon their Personas. Angry and saddened parents wonder where it all went wrong.

“Those damn Japs with their video games and whatnot,” says Ted Lomas who lost two children in the accident, “I thought Sony was an American brand but I just learned that those chinks used an American-sounding name. God damn it, killing off our innocent children with their disgusting and subversive filth. I’m telling all my friends to buy those Nintendo games from now on.”

Another parent, Frank Conner, shares Lomas’s anger after losing his only daughter, “Let me tell you something, some people have blamed me for keeping my gun with the safety off under my bed. It’s my god damn right in the Constitution under the fourth amendment! Victim-blaming America, those fucking liberals have stooped so low.”

Atlus has responded to the event by recalling all copies of any Persona game despite Persona 3 being the only one with the gun-like Evoker. Atlus declined to comment on the story but directed people to stores participating in the recall.

The one survivor who clarified the events surrounding the accident had a copy of Persona 4 and a PlayStation Vita. “I was confused,” she explained, “I had brought my tarot cards just like in the game but everyone else had brought a gun.”

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129 Responses

  1. @nonymous says:

    Goddamnit, I feel like a retard for believing this was real (it would explain the lack of other news reports, no me too on wiki sites, and the obvious problem that ALL THE CHILDREN HAD GUNS).

  2. Anonymous says:

    I wont blame the game company… But I do blame the parents for not teaching their children the difference between whats fake and whats real.